


The Places No One Goes

by breachofcontract



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Murder Mystery, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Twin Peaks Vibes, Unsubtle Foreshadowing, dotin brotp, fatin unfortunately has the gift of prophecy, i have no idea what to do with marcus??? maybe i'll pull a pinocchio and make him a real boy, implied eating disorder, no beta we die like jeanette, rated t for trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 22:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29832006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breachofcontract/pseuds/breachofcontract
Summary: Wilderton High was supposed to be a healthy change of pace for Shelby Goodkind. But following the unexpected death of a fellow classmate, Shelby's world slowly begins to collapse in on her. Before she knows it, she's involved in solving the murder of a girl she barely knows and starting to develop feelings for another.Toni Shalifoe's only plans for senior year are to get by as quickly and as smoothly as possible. A murderous turn of events however pulls her into the orbit of the very kind of girl she's spent her life avoiding. Try as she might, this doesn't seem like something she can force her way out of.Accompanied by six other girls, each hiding their own pasts in the face of conspiracy, Shelby Goodkind and Toni Shalifoe slowly begin to unravel the mysteries of Wilderton and answer the question: Who killed Jeanette Dao?
Relationships: Dot Campbell & Fatin Jadmani, Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Martha Blackburn & Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 16
Kudos: 59





	1. Prolouge

_In the early morning dew, a select gathering of birds danced from tree to tree, hesitant to relieve themselves of their perch as they huddled amongst themselves against the encompassing cold of the autumn sky. Many called out and sang, delighting themselves in the company of the others. Massive, impending clouds loomed above them, a canopy of gray above a canopy of green, stretching far beyond the forest underneath. Somewhere far below, in the ditches off the main road or hidden in the foliage of the trees, something stirred. Several hundred meters apart from the highway, a lone figure walked, grappling with a cumbersome package just a few inches shy of their height. It was robed in a black body bag and marked by peculiar contours, a small tuft of onyx hair dangling between the meeting place of two zippers at the top. Like a pendulum at the heart of a grandfather clock, it swung back and forth after each step. With a final heave, the figure let the body fall to the ground with a sickening thud._

_The figure, obscured mostly by their longform raincoat, pulled from one of their pockets a sleek black phone, dialed a single number and held the device to their ear, waiting. A digital ringing, quiet amidst the cold of the forest but loud against the figure’s ear, filled the air with its chime. Barely any time elapsed before a voice sounded on the other end. In minutes, the figure had arranged for themselves a vehicle to pick them up on the side of the main road that ran through the town adjacent to this outlet of the park. Swiftly, the figure pocketed their phone and took in a deep breath of the humid forest breeze, shuddering despite the coat._

_They allowed themself one last glance at the body lying at their feet, bowing their head in a wooden display of posthumous respect before turning eastward toward the road. The sun glared back at them, offering little warmth as it began its gradual ascent across the heavens._

_"I'm sorry. We could have done so much more together."_

_Above them, the birds sang on._


	2. Announcement

Shelby did real. She did family, she did Jesus, she did pageants.

Most girls would look at her and at first glance see a shallow, privileged, Bible-thumping beauty queen whose primary goal in life was to find a husband, produce a child, and in her spare time praise the Good Lord. The kind of girl to shame you for having sex of any kind prior to marriage. The kind of girl you hate in high school and forget about once you get to college. 

Shelby would be lying if she said some of those things weren’t true. And since she didn’t think herself to be in the business of lying, she would readily admit to any of the following. She was privileged and she did love Jesus. When she was in the fifth grade she once reprehended a kid for saying the word “sex,” taking the Lord’s name in vain and managing to slip in a dirty joke about the janitor in the same breath. Her goal in life, one of them at least, was to find a husband who she wouldn't hate and find a way to have a child with him that wouldn’t cause her an ungodly amount of distress. Be the type of mom to bake cross-shaped cookies for the elementary school bake sale and maybe even coach a few seasons of youth soccer. Basic, sure, but ultimately safe. Comfortable. 

However, in many ways that was not Shelby Goodkind. In some ways, she was aware of this, could acknowledge those occasionally frightening aspects of her being. But on most days, she stuffed those revelations down and back to the recesses of her mind, hoping to never encounter them in her waking life ever again. 

High school was shit. Only people who peaked in high school would say otherwise. And while Shelby certainly looked like the kind of girl who peaked in high school, she was far from. She knew a world existed beyond highschool, that was obvious. The problem was convincing of a world outside of everything else, the religious meetings her dad hosted, the tears shed onto cold tiles floors in the local church’s bathroom, the sermons and the Eucharist and the repentance. 

Repressed was an understatement. Not that she would ever describe herself as that. The closest she had ever gotten to divulging that part of herself to someone was to Becca. 

Becca. 

Becca Gilroy. 

The reason she had left her hometown in the first place. The reason she had barely gotten through the end of her sophomore year and had to skip a good two months in the middle. The reason she was here now at a new school, a new year, a new group of friends who hopefully knew nothing about her life prior to Wilderton other than her pageant lifestyle and godly devotion. Wilderton High was supposed to be a change of pace. And it was. 

Whether it was the change Shelby wanted was up for debate.  


  


The morning announcement declaring Jeanette’s death was… shocking, to say the least. 

At first, Shelby couldn’t place the name. Jeanette Dao. Familiar but so was every name when you edit for the Yearbook committee. Then it clicked. Junior AP Physics. A class collectively regarded as needlessly harrowing, somewhat boring, and a death sentence to all except maybe Nora Reid or Ian Murnen. 

She blinked twice in rapid succession. She and Jeanette had been lab partners a couple of times back then and while her humor was a little too raunchy for Shelby’s taste, she had always done her work aptly and on time. She even helped Shelby through a few (many) of the particularly difficult analysis questions on their shared lab reports. 

Shelby’s mind was still blank a good 10 minutes after the announcement. Most students around her had gone back to their usual routine even with the dampened atmosphere. Most appeared somber out of obligatory deference in light of the announcement; a select few seemed almost intrigued, this no doubt being the most exciting news of the year so far. The teacher had tasked them with mindless busywork, a well-intended attempt at keeping their minds off the grave news. After the initial bout of gossip concerning Jeanette’s death, the majority of students had returned to their work for morning Calculus, evaluating limits and other things Shelby’s mind was not capable of handling at the moment. She turned her head around, searching among a sea of twenty-six faces for someone who looked at least partially as disturbed as Shelby felt. The lack of solidarity disquieted her far more than she cared to admit. Her eyes fell on Leah Rilke, a tall but shapely brunette girl with a tendency for sitting at the back of classes, her head stuck in a book and ears occupied by earbuds, completely absorbed in her own mental landscape and indifferent to the happenings of the outside world. As expected, there she sat, back row of the class, completely ignoring her textbook problems in favor of reading a rather thick volume with a white cover; a blue pill and cup of coffee floated in the negative space of the cover design. Shelby could have sworn she had seen Leah finish that book in Financial Lit last week. 

In any case, Leah looked hardly perturbed by the morning announcements. That or she had failed to hear them in the first place. Surprising for a member of the school’s newspaper publication, the Wilderton Monthly. You’d think it’d serve her well to pay attention to alarming updates on the school population. 

Shelby sighed and turned back around, eyes glazed and fixating on the mathematics textbook in front of her. As subtly she could, she brought her hands together, clasping them in silent reverence as she quickly recited the Lord’s Prayer and a Hail Mary, running the lines through her mind in well-rehearsed practice. She brought her right hand up to finger the cross hanging on a delicate silver chain on her neck just above her clavicle. With each tremble of her fingers, she felt the cool metal of the cross ghost across the skin at the base of her throat. Wherever Jeanette ended up, whatever she believed in, Shelby hoped the girl was in her own conception of Heaven, cradled in the Lord’s loving embrace. 

At that thought, Shelby stifled a sob, choking it back into her throat, surprised at herself for crying over the image of a girl she barely knew being held by the Lord, safe and secure. Loved. Ultimately deciding to ignore that thought, Shelby mumbled a brief “ _Lord, give me faith to be what You intended_ ,” and turned her focus to the work before her.  


  


The second announcement of the day came over lunch, an unwise choice considering you could barely hear what the person next to you said above the sheer volume of the school cafeteria. Shelby sat beside Kaylee and Daniella, a tall blonde girl and a petite black girl, respectively. Shelby knew Kaylee through Yearbook and Daniella through the youth group at the local church. Neither of the girls were friends per se, but they were more than acquaintances. Plus her parents liked them and that was enough for Shelby. Her boyfriend Andrew, however, was nowhere to be seen. Annoying but not concerning. Probably still off in the changing rooms from Gym or talking to a teacher about ROTC opportunities. She hoped. 

The announcement was curt in spite of the occasion and mentioned a memorial service being held in Jeanette’s honor this upcoming Thursday, two days from now. It was to be held after school and any assistance in the organization of the ceremony would be greatly appreciated. Apart from delivering a meek sermon, Shelby wasn’t certain she could offer much for a girl she shared, little more than one class with nearly a year ago. 

“Oh my God, can you believe that? A whole-ass girl dying? In our school?” Kaylee’s shrill voice tore Shelby from the tumbles of her mind and into the present. “I mean, I’m, like, super upset about it! I had her in freshman history and she was, like, so sweet.” 

“Does anyone know how she died? Like, was it a car crash or…?” Daniella replied. 

Shelby shook her head. 

“Maybe she was murdered,” Kaylee whispered. 

Shelby gasped and lightly swatted the girl’s arm. “Kaylee! Don’t be morbid.” 

The girl shrugged. “What? Could be true.” 

Shelby shook her head. “You watch too many of those true crime shows.” 

Danielle hummed in agreement, her eyes keen on her phone. “Damn, girl made it onto local news. Look.” 

She practically shoved her iPhone into Shelby and Kaylee’s faces. Sure enough, a picture of Jeanette’s junior picture accentuated by her classic bob with bangs accompanied the headline“LOCAL TEEN GIRL PRESUMED DEAD THIS MORNING BY OFFICIALS.” 

“Oh, shit, no way,” Kaylee mumbled. 

Shelby shook her head in disbelief before turning her attention back to the sandwich in front of her. She didn’t touch it. 

"Hey, Shelbs…” She cringed. The only person who called her that was her dad. She looked up. 

“Yes, what’s up, Daniella?” 

“I don’t know, you just seem… off today. Weird.” Kaylee bobbed her head vigorously in concurrence, the blond locks of her parted bangs flying up like a bird about to take flight. 

“I guess the whole death thing just threw me off.” Her voice was hollow as it came out of her throat, accented by her characteristic Texan twang. 

Coaxed by her friend’s words, Shelby mentally shook her head and straightened her posture, pretending she was preparing to walk the stage during a pageant show. Daniella wasn’t wrong in her assessment; Shelby wasn’t acting like herself, the self those around her needed her to be. In a mitigating effort to resume her usual temperament, she put on a smile and began to eat.


	3. Forever in Our Hearts

Fuck. Not even three weeks into school and someone was already dead. How the fuck does shit like that even happen? Especially to someone like Jeanette? As far as Toni knew, that girl was as straight-laced as, well, straight laces. 

The midday announcement promoting the memorial service for Jeannette Dao extended little comfort to anyone listening. 

Like, damn, they couldn’t even do the girl the decency of having a memorial on Friday. Just stuck that shit on a Thursday when no one would want to spend any extra time in this hellhole, even if it was for a recently deceased fellow classmate. At least Fridays offered a certain flexibility when it came to after school events. Whatever, it wasn’t Toni’s decision to make at any rate. Not like she would have gone anyway. She had basketball practice after school and it wasn’t something she could afford to miss nowadays, especially since the Piss Incident. 

Toni walked back to her table in the cafeteria, a single bag of Takis in hand from the school’s resident vending machine. She sat down at her usual table and next to probably the only good thing in her life at the moment. Beside the Takis, of course. Martha Blackburn. Her best friend for as long as she could remember. Her sister, in every sense of the word barring biological. Something about Martha was akin to the quality of fresh snow, soft and pure as it fell from above, simultaneously waxing and light. She, however, lacked any of the coldness that accompanied snowfall, instead like a steady ember opposite to Toni’s own fickle fire. As Toni sat down, she bumped shoulders with Martha, a smile gracing her face as they locked eyes. 

“What’s good, Marty?” 

Martha shrugged, still smiling. “Well, Hamlet is still having a mental breakdown and trying to kill his Uncle. But U.S. Gov. is going surprisingly well. We’re starting our first debate this week which I didn’t think I’d be excited for but Shelby and I-” 

On impulse, Toni scoffed. 

“Toni… I know you aren’t her biggest fan, but can you please give her a chance?” 

“No, Marty, I really can’t. You know how I feel about her.” 

“She’s really nice once you get to know her. And she’s really good at US Gov, she’s great with public speaking-” 

“Yeah, must be all those hours pretending to be a perfect little angel who doesn’t believe in the separation of church and state in front of those beauty pageant judges and, oh! Preaching about how she literally hates my entire existence.” 

“Toni!” Martha turned fully around in her seat to face Toni, her thin brows furrowing in exasperation. 

“Fine, fine.” Toni threw her hands up in mock surrender. “I’ll refrain from dissing your homophobic new best friend.” 

“She’s not homophobic.” Martha shook her head and turned back around, eyes focused on something in front of her. “You know you are and will always be my best friend, right?” 

Toni sighed, her shoulders, once tense, relaxing. “Yeah.” 

“Good. Now, let’s get to those Takis.” 

They ate in silence for the most part, a weight hanging over them. Neither of them had talked about the morning announcement but Toni could sense a shift in Martha’s otherwise habitually bright demeanor. Just as she was about to comment on it, however, a crackling sound filled the cafeteria as the loudspeaker came to life. 

“ATTENTION, STUDENTS. IN LIGHT OF JEANETTE DAO’S RECENT AND UNFORTUNATE PASSING, WE WILL BE HOLDING A MEMORIAL SERVICE IN HONOR OF HER THIS THURSDAY AT 3:00 PM AFTER SCHOOL. ALL HELP AND CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE EVENT ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED. IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE, OUR GUIDANCE COUNSELORS ARE ALWAYS AVAILABLE.” 

Toni groaned. Yeah right, some good guidance counselors did. Always some underpaid white lady who thought she could cure teenage depression with a lesson on new age yoga techniques. 

“You alright there, Marty?” Toni placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“Yeah, I guess, it’s just… Jeanette was always so kind to me y’know? She showed me a picture of her pugs once, Coco and Jax.” 

Toni let out a dry laugh. “Leave it to you to remember the names of the dead girl’s dogs.” 

Martha gave a brief pause. “We should go to her memorial.” 

“Martha, we didn’t even really know her. Yeah, it’s sad and all, but it’s not like we owe her anything. Plus, I got basketball practice on Thursday and you know how Coach is.” 

“Didn’t you hear? All sports this week are canceled.” A new voice interrupted the friends’ conversation. Toni snapped her head up to the crowd to the girl who stopped mid-walk in front of their table. 

“Huh?” 

“Mhm, fucking sucks. ‘Specially since diving competitions are about to start up any day now.” Rachel Reid. Star athlete of the school’s well-funded diving team. “Not like I got anything better to do than mourn some girl I didn’t even know.” 

“Yeah, I guess, but doesn’t she deserve at least something? Not like I’m bouta show up or anything, but she had friends, I’m sure.” 

“Whatever.” With that Rachel walked away, heading towards the bathroom. 

Toni rolled her eyes. While there was a universal mutual respect among the athletes of the school, Toni had little interest in befriending any of them. Most were way too preoccupied with earning scholarships for college or besting their teammates or testing whose workout schedule was the most inhumane. Toni loved basketball because it gave direction for her energy and, on some days, her anger. Better than lashing out at Martha or her foster siblings anyway. 

“I’m gonna see what I can do to help with Jeanette’s memorial.” 

Toni thought against voicing a bitter retort. What could she say anyway? You’re just _too_ nice, Martha. 

“Aight. If that’s what you wanna do.” 

“You’ll come with me to the memorial service on Thursday, right?” 

Toni sighed and leaned back in her chair. “Yeah, sure. What could it hurt?”

  
  


Turns out, a whole lot. 

“Fuck, Martha! How fucking heavy are these things?” 

“Hey, it’s not my fault you decided carrying ten chairs at once was a good idea.” Martha clicked her tongue as she watched Toni attempt to drag several chairs across the gym basketball field. So this was why basketball practice had been canceled. Toni didn’t know why it had affected any of the other sports though, probably out of respect or some other explanation equally as slapdash. 

It was 2:45pm on Thursday and Toni and Martha found themselves in Wilderton's expansive gymnasium, accompanied by a few underclassmen and one or two other seniors in setting up Jeanette’s memorial after school. Five rows of six chairs had been set up in the front of the gymnasium where a shallow stage stood. Usually neglected, the stage was now adorned with a measly array of flowers and two large posters, one Jeanette’s yearbook picture from the previous year and the other a clashing display of selfies acquired from Jeanette’s social media. Some choice quotes no doubt taken from Google Images littered the second poster. 

Toni eyed the “FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS'' slogan written in hot pink with the cynicism only a misanthropic teenager could muster. She rolled her eyes, scowling as she deposited the final few chairs in the front row before sitting down onto one of them, legs splayed out in front of her. 

Toni pulled out her phone from her tracksuit jacket. 

2:54pm. 

A few more students had filtered into the massive gymnasium, doing little to make the memorial service any less depressing. She recognized a few from her grade, mostly girls from Newspaper or Yearbook there to snap pictures or write an article on the ceremony, if you could even call it that. Figuring the front row should be saved for people who actually knew the girl, Toni stood up and scanned the room for wherever Martha had gone. 

She faltered however when she finally spotted her. Martha stood by the gymnasium entrance, smiling brightly and arms linked around… _Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me._

Shelby Goodkind.


	4. Raise Your Glass

Thursday arrived with a vengeance. 

Feeling it was her Christian duty to pay her respects to Jeanette at the school memorial, Shelby sat through all her classes not necessarily looking forward to the service, but ruminating on it nevertheless. 

Shelby’s mind meandered over and through every memory of Jeanette she could grasp on to, most stemming back to the back row of the Physics classroom, where, in her unintended lateness, had suffered to sit in embarrassment at the back of the room next to someone only ever seen in passing. The first major assignment of the class had been a lab, a basic experiment on gravity and velocity, in which their partner would be the classmate sitting at their immediate left. Shelby remembered how, in her nervousness, she had enthusiastically introduced herself to Jeanette, all smiles and handshakes, the rhythm of her accent hammering around in her skull as she reminisced, each phoneme a disorienting nail into bone. She remembered the miscalculated hug she wrapped Jeanette in, the compliment she delivered with overzealous sincerity, how much she loved Jeanette’s bangs, the chunky block of hair that obscured her eyebrows swayed with each inclination of the head. How Jeanette, dumbfounded, could only react with a gauche reply of “Thanks, I love your… blank forehead.” 

Shelby had woken up that Thursday morning crying. She always got up early, ever the morning person, her room always dark when she opened her eyes from sleep. There, in the comfort of the darkness and stillness that came with early mornings, Shelby cried. Most of the time, it was indiscriminately, for no apparent reason Shelby was willing to identify. She was sure, if she truly put in the effort and the faith to look deeper, she could recognize why she was this way, why life was this way. But that would take time, and Shelby was allotted no time to matters such as these. 

Her room in Texas differed little from the one she resided in now. Still pale and pink and garnished with stuffed animals and overpriced throw pillows on her bed. Still rows upon rows of pageant crowns and banners, each congratulating her again and again and again on how perfect she was, the standard she had to live up to. The only thing that had changed were the pictures. In her past room, Shelby had hung up posters of female celebrities and models without a second thought, thinking them a goal to live up to, something to draw inspiration from. Beside them had always been pictures of her with her friends, nearly all of them featuring Becca Gilroy somewhere in frame when she wasn’t the one holding the camera. Now, the walls on Shelby’s room were bare save for a coat of off-white paint and empty shelving. Only two pictures sat in her bedroom, each on her desk: one of a family portrait and one of her and Andrew. 

Andrew, who she hadn’t spoken to since yesterday in Financial Lit. Apparently, her recent mood shift had put a damper on their relationship. She hadn’t answered his text from last night either. To be fair, Andrew’s text had amounted to a staggering “u up?” and a water emoji. 

Shelby forced the thought of Andrew from her mind, knowing if she thought on the matter any longer she’d have to contend with the uncomfortable sensation that would often settle at the pit of her stomach when she did. When she and Andrew first started dating, she had thought the pull in her stomach to be that of attraction. Sure, he was no Tony Romo, but he was attractive enough and her parents liked him and that was enough for Shelby. The longer they had dated that ache became more and more unsettling, grew and grew as Andrew made attempt after attempt to force intimacy between them. Andrew’s keen interest in having sex in the near future did little to placate her. 

She had looked in the mirror that morning with intent. Her teeth were brushed, the burn of mint lingering on her tongue and a full face of make-up applied with the expertise of a longtime pageant star. With a sigh, she opened her mouth and pulled the flipper from its case on the bathroom counter. Nestling the fake teeth into the roof of her mouth, Shelby gave her reflection a trained smile, flashing what real teeth she did have. She had learned how to smile without giving herself any extra wrinkles or creases and how to poise her head in just the right way to appeal to strangers, feigning a doe-eyed and innocent disposition for the judges, or her parents when they began to question her too much, or... 

Bringing her mind back to the present, Shelby ran her tongue over the surface of the flipper in her mouth. Just a few more months and she would be old enough to get permanents in. After the whole situation with Becca, her father had been adamant about getting Shelby those permanents. Only after weeks of pleading from her mother had her father finally relented and agreed on waiting until Shelby was 18. A "birthday gift" he had called it, neglecting to conceal the tinge of resentment lining his words. 

Now, sitting in US Government, mind drifting off to memories of the previous days and months, she could barely feel the flipper pressing up against the roof of her mouth. The feeling of it always faded after a few minutes, lost in the more pressing sensations of the outside world. U.S. Gov today was spent in preparation for debates. Two on two, Lincoln-Douglas style. She and Martha had partnered up, comfortable with one another after having spent the end of last year working together at several volunteer events. Shelby liked that Martha passed no judgments onto her, that she seemed to understand the nature of Shelby’s faith. She knew Martha held her own spiritual and religious practices related to the Ojibwe tribe, but she had never delved too far into the matter. 

“Do you think we covered everything?” Martha’s voice reverberated through Shelby’s ears and she turned to face her, giving Martha an unforced smile. 

“Uh, yeah. Should be everything. We researched as best we could on court-packing, why it's unconstitutional, and any possible rebuttals the other side could come up with. So… we should be good.” 

“Awesome.” 

“I’m so glad we didn’t get assigned any other topics like abortion or something,” Shelby gave a nervous chuckle. “Would’ve had a hard time arguing ‘pro’ for that one in any good conscience.” 

Martha hummed noncommittally, a flutter of emotion passing over her expression. Shelby opened her mouth to question it but Martha spoke first. 

“Are you going to Jeanette’s memorial today?” 

Shelby sighed. “Yeah… you?” 

Martha nodded. “Were you guys friends, or…?” 

“No,” Shelby shook her head and brought her arm up on the table to rest against her hand. “I barely knew her, really. We had class together last year and I just couldn’t bear not paying her at least some tribute. It’s the right thing to do.” 

With a sad smile, Martha agreed. “I don’t even know if I would consider us friends. Sorry, would have considered us friends.” Martha colored faintly and turned her gaze downward. 

“But we talked a lot when Toni was busy at practice and I was waiting for her. Jeanette said she spent a lot of time at school after hours, actually. I think she said she was working on a research project with one of the teachers or something.” 

Shelby nodded, lacking the knowledge to confirm or deny that assumption. 

Martha continued, “Sometimes, it… it felt like she was always focused on something outside of,” Martha motioned her hands as if trying to encompass the whole room in her gesture. “All this.” 

Martha let out a shaky laugh and touched the space behind her ear with her left hand. “I don’t know if that really made sense. Sorry.” 

“I…” Shelby hesitated. “I can understand that.” 

Martha turned to look at her quizzically. “What do you mean?” 

Shelby’s eyes widened and began to fumble with her words, feeling her face beginning to warm. “Oh, well, you know how I’m religious and all. Got a lot of… uh, Christian stuff goin’ on. I know most kids here think I’m, like, preachy or a prude. I know Andrew thinks that and we go to the same church. And there's stuff going on even the Church wouldn’t get… not that I’m doing anythin’ sinful or anythin’! It’s just… there are some things that only God is meant to know and...” 

Before her face could turn a more furious red, she cut herself off, her words trailing sheepishly to a halt. Martha looked at her in slight bewilderment before curving her lips upwards. 

“I get it, Shelby, no need to explain yourself. It’s like that with my own culture a lot of the time, too. The only person at school I can really talk to about it is Toni and she’s, well.. she’s got a lot of her own stuff going on and not always into the quote unquote ‘res’ stuff. Although she did really like this one workshop about wigwams… until she fell asleep. Anyways, there’s not really anyone in my grade who’s in our Nation, so I get it. Sometimes school’s like a desert island we’re all just thrust on and expected to survive with the utmost grace and civility. School and home are… completely different worlds.” 

Martha looked down at that, the small smile she had shown Shelby falling. Shelby had the urge to say something in reply, but before she could open her mouth, the teacher began speaking, the class already coming to a conclusion. With a sigh, both girls slowly gathered their effects and left once class was dismissed.

  
  


The two of them descended the floors of the school together but parted ways once reaching the cafeteria, Martha heading towards her shared spot with Toni and Shelby seeking out her own group. Today, Andrew was sitting alongside Kaylee and Daniella, two other boys behind him readying to sit down as well. Once she neared the table, Shelby gave Andrew an open-mouth grin and sat down beside him, their knees touching. The fit was tight despite the long length of the table. A couple of seats apart from Shelby’s group sat another, this one of mostly school athletes, many of them wearing sweatshirts bearing their team names. Shelby recognized most of them by face only. She quickly looked away from them, realizing she was staring, one girl at the table having met her eye, glaring. She had her coily, brown hair in an updo, exposing a high, regal forehead. Shelby, despite herself, watched her from the corner of her eye, noticing a distinct pair of eye bags and patch of acne hidden by a layer of concealer. A navy blue sweatshirt hung loosely on her frame, its center emblem a shark. 

_Diving, huh?_ Shelby mused before completely rotating her attention back to her own group. Someone had evidently said something funny as all six save for her were laughing. Shelby quickly followed suit. Beside her, Andrew shifted slightly and leaned over to whisper into her ear, the rest of the table distracted. 

“Hey, babe, why didn’t you answer my text last night?” Shelby kept her gaze ahead of her and felt the hot air of his breath hit the shell of her ear. She could hear a frown in his voice. 

An answer of “I was busy” sufficed as Andrew pulled back and re-engaged with the group, turning his attention to Daniella. Shelby did likewise, turning to her side to speak with Kaylee about Yearbook preparations. Upsetting Andrew was not in her best interest considering yesterday he had promised to drive her home after the service. With her parents out for a doctor’s appointment with her siblings, Andrew was her only option.

  
  


US History and Financial Literacy went by without comment or commotion, leaving Shelby free to think about plans after school, namely attending Jeanette’s memorial. She knew Martha was going and planned to text her before she made it to the gymnasium, not wanting to attend the service alone, knowing none of her other friends were going. 

_Me_ : Hey Martha! I have to stop outside guidance for a few minutes but do you mind meeting me at the gym?  
_Delivered @ 2:41pm_  


_Martha Blackburn_ : Sounds good! I’m currently in the gym helping set up but just text me when you get close <3  
_Delivered @ 2:43pm_

A twinge of guilt struck Shelby at realizing she hadn’t been involved in the set-up process for the memorial at all. She touched her cross necklace as she soon found herself in front of the guidance office door and peered inside, slipping her head between the ajar door. She was curious as to why she had been called down there, the request having been delivered by her last period teacher as opposed to the standard procedure of announcing it over loudspeaker. 

“Miss Goodkind, is that you?” A husky voice rose up from behind a desk in another room beyond the entrance to the office space. Two doors stood side by side, one for each of the two guidance counselors the school had hired. One was home to Mrs. Kowalski, a faint and aging woman Shelby had been told had been working here since the school’s construction in 1971. The other door led to the office of the school’s newest hire, a sharply-dressed middle-aged brunette. The school had hired her the previous school year right before summer break. Consequently, few students were familiar with her, even those assigned to her cohort of attendees. All Shelby knew about her was that she used to be a college professor before certain unspecified circumstances led her to Wilderton. 

“Yes, Mrs. Klein, it’s Shelby. Shelby Goodkind.” Shelby stepped into the office space fully and took a few paces toward Klein’s door. She looked down, adjusted her skirt, before standing fully in front of the woman. She looked shrewd. It was more than just the outfit and the glasses. It was her expression, the way her eyes passed over her face and body as if she was trying to assess her, gleaming the most information out of her without talking. 

“Ah! Miss Goodkind, lovely to meet you. I’m Mrs. Klein, your guidance counselor, you may have seen me last year. Unfortunately, due to the less than ideal situation, I was unable to meet with most of the students. Hence my calling you here today, just to get familiar with some of the students I’m responsible for,” The woman smiled. Her eyes remained unmoving, fixed on Shelby. 

Shelby raised her brows and nodded. “Well, it’s certainly a delight to meet you, Mrs. Klein.” 

Klein hummed. “I know you came to this school just last year, transferred from somewhere in Texas, yes?” 

Shelby nodded again and maintained her smile. She felt her right eye twitch ever so slightly. 

“But I see you’ve made yourself quite at home here at Wilderton. Hopefully, we’ll get to know each other a little bit better this year as I make myself likewise more at home.” 

“Hopefully,” Shelby flashed her teeth in a brief smile. “Um, if that’s all, Mrs. Klein, I really gotta get going. See, there’s that memorial-” 

"Oh, yes, Miss... Dao, was it? Truly unfortunate, she was a bright girl.” Klein’s face seemed to fall at the thought of the memorial. For the last time, Shelby gave a nod and began to turn around to exit. 

Just before she could cross the threshold, she heard the woman call out to her. 

“Oh, Shelby? Just before you go… I thought you might appreciate this. I understand many of the students are going through hard times right now, college, teenage angst, finding themselves…” 

Shelby looked to the counselor and saw a thin book in her outstretched hand. She took the volume, gingerly, into her hands and looked it over. “ _A Wild Patience Has Taken Me This Far._ ” 

“By Adrienne Rich. Mostly poetry, but I think you might find it… enlightening.” 

“I… thank you, you really don’t have to, I-” 

The lady shook her head. “I have my own copy. Used to read it to my son before… well, I hope you enjoy the memorial as much as you can given the circumstances.” 

"Have a nice day, Mrs. Klein.” 

Shelby hastily left guidance and began to make her way to the gym, book in hand. She looked down at it as she walked. The closest thing to a book she could remember last reading was a passage from Genesis at last week’s mass. As the double doors, gray and lined with metal and red paint, came into sight, she pulled out her phone. 

_Me_ : Right outside the door :)  
_Delivered @ 2:54pm_

Within seconds, Shelby jumped, startled as one of the doors pulled open to reveal Martha, beaming sadly. “Hi, Shelby,” 

She drew Shelby into the gym and enveloped her into an embrace, warm and inviting. For a moment, Shelby found peace in her arms. “Oh, Amen, I thought you were someone else for a second there.” 

Martha mumbled something in reply that Shelby didn’t quite hear as she looked up over Martha’s shoulder from the embrace. She took in the gym, barely changed to accommodate for the service. All the way on the other end she could make out a portrait of Jeanette. Her eyes tracked downwards and caught the gaze of a slight girl, her face hardened by the glare on her face. She was looking directly at Shelby and Martha, glowering. 

“Shelby?” 

“Huh?” Martha pulled back and looked in the same direction as Shelby was. 

“Oh, there’s Toni. Don’t worry about her, she’s always like that. C’mon, let’s go.” Allowing herself to be dragged over to the stage where poster boards honoring Jeanette stood, Shelby followed Martha, her eyes still focused on the girl, gaze shifting from her narrowed eyes and her downturned mouth. As the two of them approached her, Shelby could determine the girl’s height better. She stood at hardly five-foot-three, her body lean and perpetually poised, jaw tense. Small and wiry and eyes vaguely feral in the way they shined, as if she had been raised by wolves and never forgot the lessons they had taught her. As Shelby neared, the girl came up to meet her and Martha, expression unchanging until she made eye contact with the latter. Only then did her face visibly soften. 

“Toni, this is Shelby-” 

“Yeah, I know.” Toni spoke like how a dog bit, sharp and quick. 

Shelby gave her best smile and reached out for a handshake. “Pleasure to meet you, Toni.” 

Toni eyed her hand, lips two degrees away from a sneer as if her hand were septic with disease. “Real pleasure, huh?” 

There was no humor in her voice and as quickly as she could, the girl turned her attention back to Martha. “C’mon, Marty, let’s sit down, thing’s about to start.” 

Toni chose a seat one row from the back and crossed her arms, waiting for Martha to sit next to her. Martha beckoned Shelby toward her and she took a seat with the duo, Martha between her and Toni. Shelby sent a quiet thanks to God for not having to sit next to the girl with the serious attitude problem. As Shelby waited for something to happen (in all honesty, she didn’t know what to expect, be it someone speaking or a presentation remembering Jeanette’s life, or… anything, really), she allowed her eyes to take in the room once more. There weren’t many other students there, and there were no teachers save for the resident psychology teacher, Dr. Faber. He looked grossly disinterested in the entire ordeal. Shelby angled her head back towards the gym entrance, resting her chin on her arm. 

To her surprise, she saw Leah leaning resignedly against a wall, journal in hand and camera slung haphazardly around her neck. Probably for Newspaper, Shelby thought, perplexed by Leah’s presence, not having pegged Leah as one for volunteering to cover the cheaply done memorial service of a girl she had never seen her interact with. _Maybe the newspaper is short-staffed today or something…_

“Ahem.” 

A voice, amplified by a microphone, rose up, disturbing the relative silence of the room. Dr. Faber had mounted the stage and stood beside the posters, hands clasped behind his back. 

“We are here to honor the memory of Jeanette Dao, a well-loved student of Wilderton…” 

Shelby's attention began to fade toward the middle of Faber’s dry speech and struggled to focus on any of the other speakers that came forward, of which there were not many. However, the sound of strings brought her awareness back to the stage and its current inhabitant. A tall, slim girl with light brown skin and styled, long black hair sat on a chair slightly off-center to accommodate for Jeanette’s display. Before her, she played a cello, its wood a deep amber that caught the cold fluorescent light of the gym on its surface. The song she played was in both parts somber and bordering on rejoiceful, her movements simultaneously delicate and sure with skill. The sound filled the otherwise hollow space, reverberating off the walls and at times, when she hit a particularly low note, Shelby could feel the vibrations in her chest. 

The girl’s performance was the only one who received any applause, light at best given the sheer lack of attendees. Shelby watched the girl stand up and approach the mic. Her hoop earrings oscillated as she walked, so large that they brushed the top of her shoulders. 

“Hey, what’s up, I’m Fatin Jadmani and I… Well, Jeanette and I were by no means friends. More like confidants, if you could even go so far as to say that. But she was probably the realest person here at this lackluster school. I’d like to thank her for the realest conversation about sex-” 

Shelby gasped, resisting the urge to childishly plug her ears with her fingers. 

“-I’ve ever had with someone my age, and I would feel bad not honoring her in at least some way. Turns out the only way I could figure that out was with a cello. God, would my mother be proud. Anyway, rest in peace, Jeanette. I know I’ll miss you and your sex advice.” 

With that, Fatin made her departure off the stage, taking her cello with her. 

Flustered, Shelby managed to spit out, “Well, _that_ was unnecessary.” 

“Oh, I thought her performance was beautiful. I mean sure the sex thing was a little-” 

“Actually, _I_ thought it was fine. People need to learn not to be so skeeved out by shit like that.” 

“This is a _memorial_ service for a _dead_ girl, Toni. Don’t you think it’s a little inappropriate to-” 

“Please, Toni, Shelby, can you two get along at least for now?” Martha reached out a hand toward each of them, resting it on their knees. 

Toni huffed and crossed her arms tighter against her chest, adjusting her posture so it pointed even further away from Shelby, curling in on herself. Shelby whispered an apology to Martha and put a hand over Martha’s. She saw in her peripheral Toni glaring at their two hands and rolling her eyes so far back Shelby could barely see her brown irises. 

After Fatin, there was only one other speaker and were just as boring as the ones before her. Dr. Faber then reappeared and, monotonously, announced that for the rest of the ceremony they would be playing some music from Jeanette’s public Spotify playlist as tribute. The first track to be played was P!nk’s “Raise Your Glass,” inciting whiplash among the attendees as Dr. Faber stepped down the stage. Soon enough, the gym grew more and more empty, few kids wanting to stay and listen to the service’s current soundtrack. Shelby stood up slowly and took one last look at Jeanette’s picture before turning away.


	5. Girl Drama

Toni couldn’t help but chuckle when P!nk came on. And “Raise Your Glass,” no less. If Shelby wanted to talk about inappropriate, then here was her chance. In all honesty, Toni did think Fatin’s homage was somewhat tone-deaf but like hell was she going to admit that to someone like Shelby. Still, Martha’s pained expression at Toni’s comment was enough for her to regret speaking up when she did. 

_“Party-crasher, panty-snatcher. Call me up if you’re a gangster. Don’t be fancy, just get dancey. Why so serious?”_

Toni stood up at that and stretched, attempting (poorly) to disguise her laugh with a cough. Thankfully, someone abruptly switched the track on the speakers, now playing Radiohead’s “Reckoner,” probably having come to the conclusion everyone else had about the previous song choice. She turned to Martha to make a joke of the matter when she saw her looking not back at Toni, but instead at Shelby. Toni glared at the back of Martha’s head, unsure whether the fact Shelby wasn’t even looking at Martha but in the distance somewhere pissed her off more than it would have if Shelby were looking at Martha. Toni scoffed and quickly removed herself from the other two, heading towards the east wall to retrieve her bag. In her blind rush, she managed to crash into a person walking in the opposite direction, their shoulders deflecting off each other. 

“Watch it!” Toni grumbled, not bothering to even look at who she had bumped into. She barely heard a stuttered “Sorry” as she reached the wall and snatched up her backpack. Behind her, Nora Reid looked at her with an odd expression, rattled by the sudden interaction. 

When Toni did finally look back at her, Nora had already made her way to the west wall, approaching a girl Toni recognized as Rachel Reid. Rachel looked displeased as ever but made a special effort to glare at Toni, likely for walking into her sister without apology. Toni rolled her eyes but continued to watch the two even as they turned their attention toward each other. For a moment, Toni felt an inexplicable wave of longing wash over her as she watched the twins. _At least they have each other_ , Toni thought venomously as she glanced back towards Martha and Shelby, who had reengaged in conversation. Thoroughly exasperated, Toni swung around, bag slung over her slender shoulders, to make her way to the exit. 

“Woah, girl, you nearly dislocated my arms there!” 

Toni groaned and turned back around, albeit this time more slowly. Before her, she saw the girl who had played the cello on the stage from before, standing tall but bent over slightly from the weight of the cello case on her back. She rubbed her arm where Toni’s bag had inadvertently hit her. 

“Damn, I know funeral services aren’t ever fun, but what’s got your panties in a knot?” Fatin’s question was largely rhetoric but Toni couldn't help but glance over quickly at Shelby and Martha, still engrossed in each other. 

“None of your fucking business.” But Fatin had caught Toni’s glance and snorted, quirking a single manicured eyebrow. 

“Ahh… girl drama. Yeah, count me out of that one.” Fatin sidestepped Toni and made her way to the double doors out of the gym, barely giving her one more look before leaving, the sound of her heels clicking against polished wood echoing throughout the room. 

“Fucking bitch.” 

At the sound of someone giving a quiet chuckle at her comment, Toni looked around to see a girl a few feet away staring at Fatin, face contorted halfway between a sneer and a smirk. Brown, moderately wavy hair that fell a few inches below her shoulders partially obscured a camera suspended around her neck. A closed journal lay loosely in the crook of her arm, a pen clipped to its leather cover. Toni gave her a once-over, quickly identifying her as Leah Rilke, the kind of girl you would see in an arthouse film by an obscure French director, illuminated exclusively by purple and blue lighting. Also the kind of girl who looked one pair of eye bags away from a mental health crisis. 

“Tell me about it,” she mumbled, mostly to herself but sneaking a look over at Toni as she spoke. “I don’t even know why she’s here. Not like she cares about anything other than herself and looking for some guy to fuck.” 

Toni raised her eyebrows and made an equivocal sound in response. Based on Fatin’s eulogy for Jeanette, she wouldn't be surprised if the girl’s assessment was all that wrong. Toni preferred not to interact with many people at her school and by senior year had largely kept her friend group consistent, limited to Martha and a few girls on the basketball team. The rest of the school remained little more than names to her, faces that would quickly fade once highschool met its conclusion. What she knew of Fatin had come mostly from side comments made by Regan given the two had shared a Music Theory class as a junior year elective. Since Toni and Regan hadn’t spoken since last summer, Toni had yet to receive any new details on Fatin’s antics. Based on how she was dressed and her stuck-up attitude, she was one of the several tiresome one-percenters that populated the school, and for all Toni cared, she could stay that way. Not like it affected her. That train of thought brought her attention back to Shelby. With a sigh, she realized she best got back to Martha and her new missionary friend before Martha got converted and Toni didn’t have a ride home anymore. 

She spotted Shelby and Martha now by the door and hurriedly jogged over, her bag jostling against her with every step. 

“Hey, Marty, did you forget about me?” Toni punched Martha lightly on the shoulder in jest, her voice wavering at the end. 

Martha sighed then smiled, “Toni, of course not. I just thought you were over there talking to Leah.” 

“Huh?” Toni glanced back at Leah who was currently writing in her journal. “Why would you think that?” 

Martha shrugged. “I don’t know, thought maybe you were putting yourself out there and talking to other people for once.” 

At that, Martha wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

Toni let out a groan but grinned nonetheless. “Martyyy, please, she’s not even my type.” In all seriousness, Toni was grateful for Martha's concern for her love life, as dry as it was, and her willingness to go through the motions with her whenever it ended less than ideally. Her recovery after her breakup with Regan was a testament to that. 

Martha muttered a good-natured “If you say so,” and chuckled, her eyes squinting in a smile. Toni returned it easily but quickly let it fall as she felt Shelby stiffen beside her, her body language suddenly tense in their presence. 

Toni looked her in the eye, taking in the thin, firm line Shelby’s mouth had turned to and the slight furrowing of her brows. “Problem, Miss Leviticus?” 

Shelby scoffed and shook her head. Before Toni could begin the tirade she desperately wished to go on, Martha pulled her along, reminding her that her mom was probably waiting for them in the parking lot. 

As it turned out, Mrs. Blackburn had yet to arrive at Wilderton, leaving the trio stuck together outside the back entrance of the school by student parking. A few feet apart on either side were Rachel Reid, car keys out and likely waiting for her sister, and Fatin Jadmani, evidently finding fault with something in her cello case. 

“Are you driving home today, Shelby?” 

“Oh, no, my boyfriend Andrew is driving me home today. You’ve met Andrew right, Martha?” 

“Uhh… I think so? At that Habitat for Humanity event last summer?” 

“Mhm! Oh, that was so fun having both of you there. Now, hopefully, Andrew didn’t forget about today… Who’s picking you up, Martha?” Shelby gasped. “Does Martha finally have a special someone to pick her up?” 

“No, no, not yet. My mom's picking Toni and me up today. I'm pretty hard-pressed to find any guys that I’m interested in who’re interested in me…” 

“Martha, how many times do I have to tell you, you just need to find one good one! The time will come eventually…” 

_Oh my god, I really am in hell now_ , Toni gagged internally at Martha and Shelby’s dialogue, averting her gaze to the parking lot before them, strikingly empty save for a few student and teacher vehicles. Beyond that, a stretch of grass on a steadily inclining hill stood as the school’s backdrop, separating the institution from the dense forest beyond, a row of towering black spruce standing guard at the border. For a single, quiet moment, Toni could just focus on the trees and the light wind passing over the strands of hair escaping from her ponytail. Something beyond the trees seemed to shift and morph into a thousand different shapes, dark and unknowable in the shadows cast by the towering pines. 

“Gosh, I wonder where Andrew is… I texted him, he should’ve responded by now…” 

“Isn’t that him over there, Shelby?” 

“Huh? Where?” 

“There.” 

“That is him! You’re an angel, Martha, thank you.” 

“Toni and I will walk you over there.” Toni felt herself unwillingly dragged over by Martha as they followed behind Shelby’s confident strides to the silver SUV several rows away. Toni grunted at the contact but followed nonetheless, however reluctantly. She kept her eyes trained on the swinging of Shelby's blonde hair, straightened and held high in a beige hair-tie. Above, the overcast sky cast an even pale light below, punctuated only by a few breaks in the blanket of clouds, a few pools of rainwater twinkling as they reflected the patches of sunlight. Toni pulled her jacket closer to her body, regretting not having taken her thicker coat. 

“Oh my… is that Dot Campbell? What’s she...” Toni could barely hear Shelby’s hushed question as the wind began to pick up, causing the blonde’s hair to thrash wildly around her face. “Hey, Dot! Dottie!?” 

Toni could see another girl standing by the window of what was apparently Andrew’s car. She was leaning into the window slightly, evidently caught in the midst of a conversation with whoever was now in the car. Toni could make out a snarky “Have fun, kids,” come out of the girl’s mouth before she heard Shelby’s exclamation. Dot spun her head around to see Shelby. Toni could see her eyes widen even at a distance. 

“Oh, shit, Shelby. Uhhh, howdy?” 

“Dot! What are you doing by Andrew’s car, I didn’t know you two even knew each other-” Shelby began to lean into the car window as Dot had just done, preparing a greeting for Andrew. 

“Uh, I really wouldn’t do that if I were you-” A frantic warning bubbled up from the other girl’s throat as she watched Shelby but took no step to stop her. 

“Hey, babe, how-” Shelby’s clear voice stopped short, trailing off in a confused putter of shock. 

Toni, now behind Shelby, looked over her shoulder to see inside the car and gave a low whistle upon witnessing the scene inside. 

Andrew sat in the driver’s seat, dick out, Christa Findlay in the passenger's. Shelby let out a horrified gasp and for a split second, Toni didn’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for the girl. 

“Andrew!” 

“Shelby! Please, I can explain! You see, I just, um, the zipper got stuck, and I was helping Chrissy out with uh-” 

“Andrew, is that drugs in your hand? Drugs!? And- oh!” Shelby swiftly covered her eyes and blushed, having inevitably looked down at Andrew’s unbuckled pants. 

Toni, unfazed by Andrew’s predicament, watched him fumble with his belt and the waistband of his trousers in tepid amusement. Beside him, Christa Findlay kept her gaze fixed forward, only the flush rivaling Shelby’s spreading across her cheeks betraying any sense of embarrassment. The corners of her mouth were traced by smudged lipstick matching the color painted across her face. 

Shelby took a step back, hands raised and nearly bumping into Toni. “What the _fuck_.” 

Toni took a full look at Shelby, biting her lip as she realized this was the first time she had heard the girl curse in… forever? Not that she had been keeping a record really, but Toni was far from doubting whether the girl actually thought saying “fuck” once or twice would land her in hell. 

“Andrew, we said we were saving ourselves, and then you go and-and- do _that_!? And the drugs! Dottie, what did you sell him!?” Shelby whipped around to face Dot. 

The other girl held her hands up in mock surrender. “Just his usual.” 

“His usual!? This is a regular thing??” 

“Whaa- ahah, no, no of course it's not! These are… Chrissy’s, uh, I mean Christa’s. Christa Findlay’s drugs. Not mine.” 

“And I suppose that wasn’t your dick in her mouth either?” 

In spite of herself, Toni snickered and glanced at Martha, the girl looking equally as horrified as Shelby. A nauseating silence fell upon the group, punctuated only by the clinking of Andrew’s buckle as he tried in desperation to make himself presentable. In her ear, Toni could hear labored breathing and noticed that Shelby had now taken a stand beside her, eyes fixated on somewhere in the distance, shoulders rising and falling with each angered breath. Across from her, Dot had taken to shoving her hands inside the pockets of her cargo pants, expression visibly strained as if silently asking if it was appropriate for her to go now. In the corner of her eye, Toni watched as Martha made way over to Shelby, reaching out for her in comfort. 

“Shelby, I’m so sorry, come on, let’s go back. You can get a ride home with us.” Martha’s voice flowed gently cutting through the quiet, a bandaid on a much deeper wound than any of them were currently equipped to handle. 

While Shelby allowed herself to be pulled gently away, her brows remained furrowed in a sour cocktail of fury and disbelief. A flurry of thoughts she wasn’t verbalizing reflected across her face. As she turned around, her eyes briefly met with Toni’s, suddenly unreadable before rapidly refocusing on the ground below. 

Figuring it was in her best interest to follow her friend, Toni gave the scene one more look around. She locked eyes with Dot, her face now half apologetic. She raised her eyebrows and grimaced. For a second Dot looked at Shelby’s retreating form then gave a slight shake of her head. Before Toni knew it, Dot had already crossed the parking lot to reach her own car. Hearing mumbling behind her, Toni swung around to watch the couple in the car arguing silently amongst themselves. Toni looked at them, her nose crinkling involuntarily at the sight of them. 

“You really fucked up, dude.” Finishing her statement with a humorless chuckle, Toni ran across the pavement to catch up with Martha. Her arm was slung around Shelby's shoulders in a half embrace, seemingly doing little to comfort the blonde. Shelby was oddly silent for someone Toni instinctively considered to be rather dramatic, given her whole beauty pageant shtick. Instead, no further complaints or grievances were uttered, the only sign of apparent distress the fiddling of the gold chain on her neck. Toni trailed the two, scowling as she regarded the close proximity of the pair and not even trying to push away the pangs of jealousy the sight brought her. Leave it to Shelby to find a way to further infringe on her and Martha's time together. 

By the time the trio reached the wall of the school’s rear entrance, a new face had joined the disjointed gathering. Leah Rilke leaned against the wall, hastily organizing her belongings into a bag and searching for the key to her car. 

“Shit, you don’t look too hot. What, did you catch your boyfriend cheating on you and snorting cocaine in his car or something?” Fatin quipped upon seeing Shelby and Martha, her assumption hitting the mark too closely than she probably intended. 

Shelby glared at Fatin. “No. Of course not. Why would you spread any vicious rumors like that?” 

Martha looked taken aback by the thin, polite smile that had replaced Shelby’s frown. It did little to unknit her eyebrows or erase the distress that had plagued her visage moments before. 

“Oh _please_ , as if I gave enough of a shit to spread rumors about _you_.” 

“Well, you clearly care enough about my boyfriend to be speculating about him.” 

Fatin rolled her eyes. “God, get your head out of the gutter. None of the boys at this school are worth any amount of attention. I cannot wait until I’m finally out of here. College boys are so much better.” 

“You know what, Fatin? I think-” 

“Oh my god, would you two shut up!?” Rachel’s voice rose above the quarreling between Fatin and Shelby, her face contorted in exasperation. 

Rachel’s sudden outburst immediately quieted the other two, each girl seeming to retreat within herself. Silence once again pervaded the parking lot. 

“Where is my sister?!” Toni heard Rachel mutter the question under her breath, craning her neck around and to the side to take in a sweeping survey of the lot in search of Nora. An abrupt slamming open of a door caused her head to swing around in response. Toni’s eyes followed the movement and landed on the slightly hunched form of Dr. Faber exiting the rear entrance of the school, phone held up to his ear and face red in frustration at the conversation he was absorbed in. His presence was disruptive, disturbing the silence that had befallen the space. Instinctively, the six girls pulled a few steps closer together as they avoided Dr. Faber’s path. 

With each hushed retort that was spat from his mouth, Dr. Faber’s face, usually relaxed in nonchalance, twisted in vexation, the softness around his jaw tightening and the permanent crease above his nose bridge deepening. As he began his retreat back to his car, his temples protruded, a singular vein prominent under the surface of his skin there. He stopped at the edge of the pavement a couple of meters away from the girls and crossed his free arm across his chest, the fabric of his thin sweater pulled taunt. Toni’s eyes were drawn to him, his barely restrained emotions, the tensing of his body. She watched him and noted the other girls had done the same. She was surprised Faber himself hadn’t noticed, evidently too absorbed in his own conversation to pick up on it. 

“Jeez, what the hell is his problem-?” 

Before Fatin could finish her muttered remark, Leah hissed, “Shut up, I’m listening to him!” 

The group fell silent once more, ears collectively trained on Faber’s voice. Toni felt Leah shuffle almost imperceptibly closer to where Faber stood. 

“What do you mean, they’ve started an investigation?! You told me you handled this and that I wouldn’t have to worry about it!” 

A muffled voice sounded from the speaker of his phone, lost to the wind. 

“No, no, no! I will not be held responsible for this. This isn’t what I signed up for, you told me that Jeanette-” 

Dr. Faber growled in frustration and shoved the phone, its screen now black, into the pocket of his trousers. As he did so, he turned and saw the six girls staring at him. At once, he took off into the parking lot, heading towards a car parked at the far left end. 

With him out of earshot, the six girls turned to one another, a collectively bewildered look plastered on each of their faces. 

“What the fuck was that?”


	6. Common Directions

Shelby stared at Leah, mouth agape and all thoughts of Andrew or distaste for Fatin dropped in light of what the six of them had just laid witness to.

"Okay, just to be clear, we all just heard him say something about Jeanette, an investigation, and his involvement, right?” Leah’s eyes passed over each of them, piercing, desperate for confirmation or information. For a moment, it reminded Shelby of the way Mrs. Klein had looked at her earlier that day, albeit lacking the manic glint reflected in Leah’s eyes. 

Martha cocked her head to the side, a deep and worried frown settling on her face. “But… he couldn’t have meant that he was actually _responsible_ for her dying or anything…” 

“I dunno, Marty…” 

"I didn’t even know there was an investigation…” 

“Wait, do any of you actually know how she died?” 

“Or where?” 

“I heard it was in those woods over there by Voyageurs Park…” 

Shelby shook her head and looked over her shoulder across the parking lot, following the movements of Faber as he climbed into his car, impatience making his movements jittery. A flicker of motion in her peripheral attracted Shelby’s gaze over to Dot Campbell. She looked as if frozen halfway between getting into her car and closing the door shut, instead her focus on where Shelby stood alongside the five others. They met each other’s gaze, disconcertment surfacing above any other possible emotion. She mouthed something to Shelby as if asking _Did you hear what I heard?_

Shelby opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. What she could only assume was an expression of confusion crossed her face, doing little to lessen Dot’s own puzzlement. Dot raised her eyebrows and ran a hand through her choppy bob before ducking down to sit inside her car. Hands gripped on the steering wheel, preparing to exit the lot. 

Drawing her attention back to the group by the rear entrance, Shelby heard Rachel groan. 

“Where the hell is Nora? We should’ve left by now, I don’t have time for whatever the fuck this is.” Rachel began to pull out her phone, readying to text her sister. 

Before she could complete the action, however, the rear doors gently swung open to reveal Nora, well-dressed in a burgundy overall jumpsuit and white turtleneck. She had her phone to her ear, just about to tuck it into one of her pockets. 

"Nora! Where the hell were you? We need to get home now.” Rachel noticed the phone in Nora’s hand. “Were you calling someone?” 

“Uhh… yeah?” Nora scrunched her face, offering an uncertain half-smile. 

“Who were you even calling?” Rachel crossed her arms. 

“Mom and dad…?” 

Shaking her head, Rachel uncrossed her arms, shouldered her bag and muttered “Whatever. Come on, let’s go.” 

Without so much as a farewell or glance backward, the two sisters withdrew to their car. Several rows away, Dr. Faber’s car began to pull out and exit the lot. The Reids’ car soon followed. 

Behind her, Toni patted Martha’s upper arm. “Hey, we should go.” 

Martha nodded only to pause and swivel to face Shelby. “Wait, Shelby, you still need a ride home, yeah? Since, uh, y’know…” Martha seemed afraid to say Andrew’s name. 

“Oh, you are right about that… I don’t suppose you would mind doing me a favor and giving me a ride home, would you?” 

A sincere smile found its home on Martha’s face. “I mean, she probably will,” Martha nodded towards Toni. “But I don’t. You’re welcome to join us. I’m sure my mom will be cool with it. I’ll call her now, she shouldn’t be far from the school.” 

Martha pulled away from the group a few feet to pull out her phone and call Mrs. Blackburn. 

“Oh, thank God.” Relief spread over Shelby, allowing her a single moment to relax. 

“Ugh, why? It’s not like Jesus is literally taking the wheel.” Toni sneered at Shelby, eyes alight with her characteristic fire. 

“Do you even know what that song’s about?” 

“Yeah, it’s about rejecting responsibility for your own actions and letting some invisible, imaginary force make all your decisions for you.” Toni took a step toward Shelby, her shoulders set back and jaw jutting out slightly as she spoke. 

Shelby withstood the impulse to take a step back. 

“No, Toni, it’s about letting-” 

“Oh look, Bernice is here. Someone who can actually drive without Sky Daddy telling her when to turn.” 

Toni shoved past her, their shoulders narrowly missing collision. Shelby shuddered, gripping her bag tighter. Fatin was regarding her with an odd expression on her face, a single brow arched. Opting to not consider whatever that meant, Shelby approached Martha, standing front of the passenger door of the sedan that had just entered the parking lot. The window rolled down to reveal a couple sitting in the front of the car. A man that Shelby presumed to be Martha’s father reclined in the passenger seat, leaning out to wave at Martha and Toni, smile small but genuine. Beside him sat Mrs. Blackburn, hand draped across the steering wheel as she peered out the open window to greet her daughter and her friend. 

“Hi, sweetie, hi, Toni! Glad to see you so soon. Martha, is something wrong? You look upset.” Mrs. Blackburn’s voice, clear and mellow, rose up from inside the car. 

“No, don’t worry about it, Mom.” Martha glanced at Shelby and motioned towards her. “This is Shelby, she's the one I told you about who needs a drive home?” 

“Oh, of course! Shelby… you did the volunteering with Martha last summer, yes?” 

Shelby nodded vigorously, accompanying the gesture with a warm smile at the memory. “Yes, ma’am. It was a wonderful time, it’s always a pleasure to spend time with your daughter.” 

For a reason Shelby could not place, Mrs. Blackburn’s reciprocating smile seemed tinged with sadness. The thought was soon forgotten as she beckoned Shelby and the other girls closer, welcoming them to take a seat inside the sedan. 

“Unfortunately, I had already left before Martha called about Shelby and didn’t expect a third passenger. As you can see, Russell has already claimed the front seat so the three of you will have to squeeze in the back. Will you all fit?” 

Martha rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Of course we’ll fit, Mom.” 

Mrs. Blackburn smiled at the trio and moved her hand to unlock the doors. An audible click and they were open. 

For a moment, Martha, Toni, and Shelby just stared at the back seat, uncertain of how to arrange themselves. 

Martha broke the silence. “So… does anyone want to sit in the middle? If no one wants to, I can totally do it-” 

“No, it’s fine Martha, I can take it. You at least deserve a window seat after being generous enough to drive me home.” Shelby smiled and briefly touched Martha’s shoulder reassuringly. 

“Thank you.” 

Shelby nodded, maintaining her smile as Martha rounded the car to open the left side door and slip inside, leaving Toni and Shelby outside on the pavement. Awkwardly shuffling past Toni, Shelby reached out for the door handle. Just as she was about to open the car door and slip in, Shelby glimpsed back to the back of the school where Fatin and Leah stood. The distance between them had increased and only stood to grow as Leah took one final, almost accusatory look at Fatin before making her own departure toward her car. Fatin lazily threw up her middle finger directed at Leah’s retreating form and lugged herself and her cello away. 

“Waiting for a special invitation or…?” Shelby whipped her face around to see Toni glaring at her, a single hand on her hip, the other leaning on the sedan as she looked expectantly between Shelby and the partially opened car door. 

“I already have one, Toni.” Shelby forced a passive-aggressive smile at the girl before swinging her body into the back seat. Without hesitation, she slid over next to Martha and made herself as comfortable as she could given the close proximity. Belatedly, Shelby realized this meant that she would have to endure sitting next to Toni for the next 15 minutes until they reached her house. God, have mercy on her. 

With Shelby settled in the middle seat, Toni edged herself into the right end of the seat, closing the door alongside her. Shelby noticed the girl taking extra care not to bump into her as she adjusted herself, eventually pressing her face almost mournfully against the window. Her eyes were half-lidded as she stared out the window dully, the folds of her lids heavy with disinterest. Shelby took in the sight of her face for a moment, the gentle, slightly upturned slope of her nose, the nearly imperceptible dusting of freckles across its bridge, highlighted by the cool light pouring in from the overcast sky. She immediately snapped her head away before Toni could notice. 

“Shelby, sweetie, do think you’ll be able to navigate us to your house from here, or should I pull out the ol’ GPS?” 

Martha, Toni, and her husband collectively groaned at the mention of the GPS. 

“I think I’ll be fine just giving y’all directions.” 

Mrs. Blackburn let out a small chuckle and looked at Shelby through the rear-view mirror, smiling apologetically. “Great. I think that’ll probably save us a good 30 minutes of anguish.” 

Shelby felt the car start up again, inching forward before accelerating and exiting the school parking lot, leaving behind Wilderton and all its troubles, for now at least. Save for of course the one currently sitting next to her. 

Toni had not yet moved from the position she adopted at the beginning of the ride, eyes still focused on the fleeting sights outside the car rather than the ones inside. The ride was silent, the girls too tired to talk and Martha’s parents sensing the weary atmosphere. The only noise were the sounds native to a moving car and Shelby's own voice as she directed Mrs. Blackburn to her residence. With each bump in the road, the girls were jostled from their seats, marginally, but enough so that Toni and Shelby’s shoulders would brush against each other and their knees touch for a split second. Each time, Shelby drew a quick breath in, alarmed by how the brief moments of contact caused a flux in her heartbeat. 

In the silence, Shelby thought back to her conversations with Toni earlier that day. 

_“Problem, Miss Leviticus?”_

Christ, Shelby didn’t even like that section in the Bible. She snuck a glimpse back at Toni, eyes traveling down to her hands where she saw something adorning Toni’s wrist she hadn’t noticed earlier. It was a threaded bracelet, each section of thread a different color, together forming a rainbow band around Toni’s slender wrist. Shelby blinked, stiffening. She wasn’t so naive to not realize what it signified, especially given Toni and Martha’s earlier banter and what Shelby knew of Toni beforehand. It’s not like she tried to hide it in any case. 

Shelby didn’t hate gay people. Shelby didn't hate Toni. Shelby hated the sin, not the sinner. 

If she were being honest with herself, in another life, Shelby could see herself wanting to be friends with Toni. She was striking if nothing else, the way a match is in the first few milliseconds after being lit. But matches burned quickly and Shelby knew to be weary of fire. 

Shelby didn’t hate Toni. She just... hated her lifestyle choices. Pitied it, rather. Nothing personal. Just what the Good Book dictated. What her father and mother and church dictated. It was common sense, really. 

Seeing her with, what was that girl’s name? Riley? Regina? Regan? Whatever. Her name didn't matter. All that mattered was the fact that based on their current lifestyle, they, like every other unrepentant sinner, were going to end up in Hell. And Hell was the last place Shelby wanted to see Toni. She knew her from her U.S. History class, knew that Toni, while outspoken and informal, wasn’t stupid, had seen her at basketball games, had seen the skill and the passion the girl played the sport with. Toni deserved better than Hell of all places. It was in her best interest, everyone’s best interest, that she didn’t pursue that way of life. 

The car hit another dip in the road, a deep one based on how harshly the car trembled afterward. Their shoulders connected again, Shelby recoiling instantaneously upon contact as if she had been branded. She hoped Toni hadn’t noticed. 

The thought of Toni’s… girlfriend? ex-girlfriend? brought her mind to her own boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend now, she supposed. An obfuscating rush of emotions surged through her as she tried to remove the mental image of the scene from her mind. Rage directed at Andrew, at Christa Findlay, at herself overwhelmed her for a second before she desperately tried to let it pass. Shelby Goodkind did not do anger and this time would be no different. What would she tell her parents when they inevitably asked about Andrew’s wellbeing? Or suggested bringing him along on a family outing? That would mean explaining why Shelby would under no circumstances be willing to so much as breathe in his vicinity again. She would have to explain, lest her parents jump to other conclusions. 

“Shelby, is this your house?” Mrs. Blackburn’s mellow voice cut through the thick sludge of Shelby’s thoughts, bringing her attention to the front windshield. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah it is, thank you.” A large suburban home came into view, standing proudly and furnished with a white porch and a partial stone facade. Lofty windows reflected the cold sky. 

“Jesus Christ…” Shelby heard Toni mutter beside her but kept her eyes fixed ahead. “I’m surprised you couldn’t drive here yourself. What do you have, like, three cars?” 

Shelby flushed slightly. “Actually, we currently only have one. We had to sell the other one when… when we moved up here last year.” 

Toni continued to mumble something she couldn’t quite make out and opted to not inquire further. Lord knows it would only serve to make her more uncomfortable. 

“Alright, here we are.” Mrs. Blackburn pulled up into the drive halfway and unlocked the back doors as she put the car into park. Thanks to the angle of the driveway to the house, Toni and the door she was leaning on were the only obstacles between Shelby and her return home. 

Graciously, Shelby thanked Martha’s mom. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you, you’re a real lifesaver, Mrs. Blackburn.” 

Mrs. Blackburn dismissed her praise with a smile as Shelby turned to Martha, thanked her as well and gave her a hug, the gesture ungainly in the tight space. On her right, Toni grabbed the door handle, pushed out, and launched herself from the car. She stood leaning against the car, leaving the door open and training her eyes on the sizable house before her. Her jaw clenched as she took in the sight. 

Shelby straightened herself and shuffled out of the car, an inexplicable wave of nervousness washing over her and settling in the pit of her stomach as she stepped outside into the frigid autumn air. She felt Toni’s gaze fix onto her as she slipped out and grabbed her belongings, viewing her with the same tension and apprehension as she had her house. The girl stood still against the car as she let Shelby leave, surprisingly intimidating in spite of her height. Shelby raised her palm in a small, uncalculated wave, opening her mouth to say something before closing it upon seeing the sneer Toni’s mouth curled into. Unceremoniously, Shelby took her leave, thanking Mrs. Blackburn once more before striding toward her front door. 

As she withdrew her house keys to unlock the chrome lock, Shelby looked back at the car. It hadn’t moved at all, Martha’s mother looking at her from the driver’s seat, waiting for her to enter her house safely before departing. She could barely see Martha waving at her from the back seat and instead focused on Toni, the girl now seated, eyes downcast. Shelby didn’t know whether to feel relieved or hurt that she was no longer looking at her. 

She entered her house, silently, offering a single wave goodbye before disappearing inside completely. Her parents were out of the house for now, attending a doctor’s appointment for her two siblings at the pediatrician one town over. Shelby walked into the open kitchen, dropping her bag on a barstool next to the white marble island and placing her keys on the surface. The house was dead quiet and dim, none of the lights having been left on when the other Goodkind’s had checked out. A single sticky-note, neon yellow and an eyesore against the pale marble, was stuck to the countertop. Shelby removed it and read its contents. 

SHELBY—  
DAVE AND I ARE WITH SPENCER AND MELODY @ THE DR’s.  
WILL BE HOME BY 7PM.  
DINNER IS ALREADY MADE IN THE FRIDGE.  
JUST NEEDS TO BE HEATED UP IN THE OVEN.  
350℉ FOR 20 MINUTES.  
LOVE, MOM  


Shelby replaced the note back onto the counter and looked to the oven’s control panel where, in green text, the time was displayed. 4:46pm. Enough time to get some homework done before her family returned. She sat down on a different barstool and pulled out her laptop, opening up a document she had started a week ago to continue her paper for U.S. History. For a moment she wondered how Toni’s paper was going before quickly shoving away the thought and refocusing her attention on the document, an essay she had tentatively titled “The Decline of Christianity in America during the 1960s”. For a long while she typed and edited and then typed some more, the process mind-numbing. Eventually, she reached her limit for writing and closed the laptop shut. 

The digital display on the oven read 6:32pm. With a sigh, she stood up and walked over to preheat the oven before sitting back down and reaching into her bag, feeling around for her Calc binder. Finding it, she briskly pulled it out, inadvertently pulling something else out with it. The second article fell to the floor with a flutter and, looking down, Shelby saw the book the guidance counselor had given her. In the wake of the mess that had occurred after her visit, she had completely forgotten about it. Shelby picked the thin volume up, examining the front cover and flipping through the pages. It seemed less than a hundred pages and while far from brand new was not well-worn. Sitting back down, Shelby opened the book to page 1, slowly beginning to flip through with renewed curiosity. 

_Adrienne Rich_ … She had never heard of her before, didn’t even know what time period she was from prior to looking at the publishing date. Published in 1993 but featuring poems written over a decade prior. Shelby could identify no feasible idea as to why Klein had gifted her this book, this book in particular, and her of all people. She could understand wanting to meet every student she was responsible for as a counselor but she doubted the woman had enough novels to supply a few hundred kids. As far as Shelby knew, the lady barely knew her apart from the basics detailed on her student datasheet. Name, date of birth, GPA, year of transfer. Reason for transfer. Well, the one her parents supplied anyways. “A change of pace” from a “high stress environment.” Vague at best and misleading at worst. 

Flipping to a random page in the middle, Shelby landed on a page titled “FOR MEMORY” and began to read. 

_“Old words:_ trust fidelity  
_Nothing new yet to take their place._  
_I rake leaves, clear the lawn, October grass_  
_painfully green beneath the gold_  
_and in this silent labor thoughts of you_  
_start up_  
_I hear your voice:_ disloyalty betrayal  
_stinging the wires”_  


As Shelby read the passage, her mind drifted, following threads connected to words connected to memories, both recent and past, malicious and benign. 

_“We came together in a common fury of direction—”_

__A rattling at the front door shook Shelby from her reading, snapping her head up in time to see Dave and JoBeth Goodkind walk through the front door, Melody and Spencer at their heels._ _

__Shelby jumped up from her seat and set the book face-down haphazardly on the counter as she leapt up to greet her parents._ _

__“Hi, mom, hi, daddy,” Shelby smiled easily at the two of them, the sight a welcomed and familiar respite in the face of the day’s events. JoBeth gave her a short-lived hug while Dave just waved, preoccupied with removing his boots._ _

__He walked over towards her, ruffling Spencer’s hair as he passed. He set his own ring of keys onto the island, patting Shelby on the shoulder in silent greeting._ _

__Shelby looked at the time, noting it hadn’t even passed a quarter before seven. “You’re home early.”_ _

__“Traffic was better than expected.”_ _

__Dave grunted in accordance. “One of the many benefits of moving up here.”_ _

__JoBeth’s light smile fell slightly as she threw a quick glance at Shelby. “How was school, honey? Did you go to that service you talked about?”_ _

__“Yeah, it was okay. Nothing much happened at the memorial, just a few kids spoke, one girl played the cello.”_ _

__“Oh, that sounds lovely. Real shame what happened to that girl, isn’t it, Dave?”_ _

__Again, he grunted. “Shame, indeed, God bless her soul. Hard not to wonder why they found her body in the woods though.” Something about the implications hidden underneath his tone made Shelby shift uncomfortably._ _

__“Did Andrew drive you home, honey?”_ _

__"No, um, something came up. But I caught a ride with Martha and her mom, she drove me home.”_ _

__“Martha? Is she the… uh…?”_ _

__“You met her at the volunteer event last summer.”_ _

__“Oh, of course! The one with Andrew. That was a lovely time, wasn’t it? You know, Shelby, I’m so happy you were able to make so many new friends and even find a boyfriend after all that happened back at Fort Travis. I was worried you wouldn’t adjust but you seem to be doing really well!”_ _

__“Thanks, mom. How’d Spence and Mel do today?”_ _

__Dave answered her. “This little rascal-” He ruffled Spencer’s hair again. “-he has a cavity in the back of his teeth, don’t ya?”_ _

__Spencer frowned sheepishly and scurried off to the other end of the room, reaching for a tablet._ _

__"We’re gonna have to head to the dentist next week to sort that out,” JoBeth added, voice muffled from her head being inside the refrigerator as she pulled out the food for dinner._ _

__Dave marched over to the island, each stride powerful from years of physical activity and natural presence. “That’s right…”_ _

__He looked over the counter, eyes passing over Shelby’s belongings._ _

__“Hey, Shelbs, what’s this you got here?”_ _

__Shelby rotated to see Dave holding up the book Klein had given her. “Didn’t know you were into…” He squinted, looking at the text of the page Shelby had the book open to. “...poetry?”_ _

__Shelby shifted her weight between her feet and edged closer to the counter. “It’s just some reading for school, daddy.”_ _

__Dave hummed, unconvinced, before setting the book down roughly and turning to JoBeth, giving her a kiss on the cheek before taking some of the food away from her and putting it into the preheated oven. Shelby hastily shoved her school belongings back into her bag and moved them aside to make room for dinner._ _

__Soon enough, the island was set with plates of food in front of each one of them, steaming and smelling of home, the home that had been before coming here._ _

__Shelby stared at the food before her, lost in thoughts and memories once again._ _


	7. An Investigation Begins

Nothing like fighting the status quo by ‘forgetting’ to do your math homework.

After returning home, which currently meant crashing at Martha’s house on an inflatable mattress in her bedroom, Toni found her mind far too occupied to focus on algebra or history or anything besides what had happened in the parking lot. All of it. What Faber had said. Shelby’s boyfriend. Shelby in general. Her stuck-up, holier-than-thou attitude, preachy as if they hadn’t just found her boyfriend in the middle of a meager session of fellatio with someone who was definitely not Shelby. God, she was infuriating. 

She and Martha had spent most of the night talking about that day though their focus was directed toward different topics. Toni couldn’t understand why Martha was so upset about finding Shelby’s boyfriend in that sedan. For the most part, Toni simply bit back any comments regarding the situation, knowing it probably would have just amounted to something like “He’s a guy, what do you expect?” or “Isn’t that girl, like, a virgin? That’s probably why he’s a cheat.” Her concern was more centered on Faber and his conversation on the phone, what he had said in mistaken confidence, unaware of their eavesdropping until the call had already ended. Something about the usually cold, unaffected man getting so pissed off over a phone conversation brought Toni an ounce of satisfaction watching him lose control of himself. She didn’t tell Martha this. 

Instead, she rolled over on the mattress she was reclining on, looking up at Martha who sat cross-legged on her own bed, texting. 

Largely bored by now, Toni spoke up, keeping her tone casual. “Whatcha doin’ up there?” 

“Texting Shelby.” 

Toni didn’t stifle her groan, too tired at this point to care about censoring herself. “ _God_ , why?” 

Martha looked over at Toni, her expression reprimanding and reminding Toni far too much of her friend’s mother. “She’s upset, Toni. And after what she saw today, I wouldn’t blame her. First having to go to a memorial for a girl she once knew and then leaving only to find her own boyfriend cheating on her. It’s not like you helped at all.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You really can’t just go one day without making a jab at her, or anyone else for that matter? It’s a constant thing. I’m surprised you don’t direct it at me sometimes.” 

Toni smiled. “That’s because I actually _like_ you, Marty.” 

Martha smiled in kind, rolling her eyes and forgetting her reason for chastising Toni in the first place. A natural beat of silence filled the room as Martha continued to text. 

Toni rolled back over onto her back, pulling her arms up to cradle her head and stare up at the wood paneling of the ceiling. 

"Hey, what do you think of what that Faber guy said?” 

Toni sensed a distinct change in the mood of the room the moment she mentioned that man’s name. 

“I… I dunno… are we sure we heard him right? I just can’t imagine one of our teachers having anything to do with something like Jeanette’s death.” 

“Eh, I wouldn’t put it past him. Never trusted that whole “cool and collected” gimmick people like to put up. Those people are always the most fucked up.” 

“Oh, as opposed to someone like you who’s the epitome of mental health.” 

“Marty,” Toni drew the syllables of her name out as she laughed. “Please, you wound me. You know I’m doing better.” 

"I know you are.” She could hear the small smile in Martha’s voice as she said that. 

“It’s just, what if there’s actually something going on? I mean, why else would he say something like that? ‘I will not be held responsible for this’ and all that.” Toni dropped her pitch to mimic the sound of Faber’s voice. 

Martha shrugged. “Maybe it had to do with the memorial. Maybe something went wrong during it and since he was supposed to be chaperoning he didn’t want to be blamed for it.” 

Toni hummed, considering the thought. “I guess. Still seemed pretty pissed though for something small like that.” 

“As if you wouldn’t have acted the same way in his place if someone blamed you for something.” Martha looked over at Toni, the corners of her eyes crinkling light-heartedly despite the otherwise worried look on her face. 

Again, Toni readjusted her position, bringing her arms down to lie on her stomach. 

“Anyways, it’s late, so I think I’m gonna get some sleep.” 

“Sure thing, Marty. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight. Love you.” 

“Love you, too.” 

With that, Toni rolled over onto her side, facing the wall as Martha turned the lights off and the room was enveloped in darkness. Sleep came quickly in the night.

  
  


This year, Toni had managed to arrive at her first period class on time, on most days settling into her seat well before the late bell rang. Toni never applied much consideration as to the ‘why’ of that particular development, knowing that train of thought would bring her to a place she didn’t want to remember on a good day much less today. With Regan no longer a constant in her life, Toni no longer had any excuse, justified or not, to drag herself to class late, her arrival delayed by winding conversations about things mundane as which shampoo Toni had decided to use from Regan’s arsenal that morning or as heavy as whether they saw a future together after the many trials and tribulations of junior year. Martha, while not one to prefer punctuality over such discussions, did prefer to leave a good impression for senior year and insisted Toni do the same. As if the colleges Toni was applying to would give a shit if she arrived to PreCalculus five minutes late because she wanted to talk to someone that didn’t speak down to her for once. 

Regardless, she walked into first period that day promptly and slumped into her seat, keeping one of her earbuds in-ear as she waited. She watched the door while waiting, eyes following each person that gradually filtered into the cramped classroom. Many passed by in a blur of sweatpants and sleep-deprived eyes until one student prompted her to remove the lone earbud from her ear. Her eyes landed on Dot, her outfit not much different than yesterday’s: olive-grey cargo pants and a distressed 70s band tee. Probably legit vintage. 

Dot’s eyes found hers as she moved through the room and took her own seat a couple of paces away from Toni. Toni didn’t entertain the look for long, uncertain what Dot wanted from her. If she expected Toni to be willing to discuss the Andrew-Shelby situation then she was severely out of luck. To make a point of her disinterest, Toni stuck the earbud back, hip-hop beats and verses of rap replacing the languid chatter of the room. Class started with a tiresome lecture, the same as it did every weekday. 

Halfway through the instructor's lecture, however, the loudspeakers crackled on without warning, the droning voice of the principal leaking through the static. 

“STUDENTS: WE WOULD LIKE TO BRING ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT WE ARE CURRENTLY WORKING WITH GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT REGARDING THE UNTIMELY AND UNFORTUNATE DEATH OF OUR OWN JEANETTE DAO. THIS SHOULD BE NO CAUSE FOR CONCERN AND WE HOPE YOU ARE ABLE TO MAINTAIN YOUR CURRENT SCHEDULES WITHOUT HINDRANCE. THIS IS STANDARD PROCEDURE AND OUR AIM IS TO COOPERATE WITH LAW ENFORCEMENT TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITIES.” 

Toni didn’t know much about the law but she did know one thing: this was not the standard procedure for a death. At least not a natural one. Which meant one thing- that girl’s death was not natural. Toni paused her music as her mind jumped back to the one-sided conversation she had heard from Faber the previous day. She looked around the room, seeing other confused faces reflected back onto her own. From the other end of the room, she caught Dot’s eye, expression equally as flummoxed. 

“IF ANY OF YOU, TEACHERS AND STUDENTS ALIKE, HAVE ANY RELEVANT INFORMATION YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE OFFICIALS WE HAVE PRESENT IN THE SCHOOL TODAY, WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO STEP FORWARD AND VISIT THE MAIN OFFICE. SPECIAL AGENT YOUNG FROM THE INVESTIGATIVE SERVICES BRANCH AND I ARE HERE TO HELP. KNOW THAT OUR GUIDANCE COUNSELORS ARE ALWAYS AVAILABLE IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU. HAVE A GOOD DAY.” 

The noise of the speakers faded, leaving a roar of conversation in its wake. Toni remained silent but kept her gaze on Dot, their eyes locked as if engaged in a telepathic exchange. Toni resisted the urge to say something out loud, knowing their mind had leapt to the same conclusion, had put the same pieces of information together. _Investigative Services Branch?_

All attempts from the teacher to quiet the class failed miserably. She gave up, settling back into her desk chair and flipping through her PowerPoint to display a few practice problems in defeat. By the time the class eased down, the bell had already rung, the period over. Toni got up lethargically and made way to leave, looking back at Dot once more, her mouth open to say something that never came. 

Toni moved to second period English alone, greeting a few girls from her basketball team in passing before entering the next room and taking her seat, allowing her legs to kick out in front of her. Toni had hoped Modern Literature would mean simpler sentence structure and less archaic vernacular than had been afforded in the previous years. Unfortunately, it seemed like most authors during this time were prone to writing in stream of consciousness and were largely lyrical, crafting borderline nonsensical and meandering sentences in favor of succinctness. Even more unfortunately, many of the authors like Hurston and Woolf were tied to civil rights and feminist movements at the time, meaning Toni had to sit through an hour and a half of white boys playing “Devil’s Advocate” when it came to discussions of basic equality. She could only hope Martha’s elective course on Early British Literature was going better. All they did was debate about color theory and weird Shakespearean sex innuendos. 

There in the classroom, she saw Rachel Reid sitting in a chair by the window, her profile backlit by the morning light pouring in, the ends of her hair illuminated in the glow. She paid little attention to much besides what appeared to be a fancy pedometer, tracking heartbeat, sleep, and calories burned on her wrist. Toni sat down in her seat next to her, neither of them acknowledging each other save for a cursory glance. But before Toni could fully settle into her seat the loudspeakers once again sputtered to life, drawing both of their gazes upwards where the speakers had been attached to the ceiling. This time the secretary’s voice carried through the sound. 

“MAY WE PLEASE HAVE NORA REID COME DOWN TO THE MAIN OFFICE. PRINCIPAL HAYES WISHES TO SPEAK WITH YOU. BRING YOUR BOOKS AND BELONGINGS WHEN YOU COME DOWN. THANK YOU AND WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INTERRUPTION.” 

The mention of her twin sister fully caught Rachel’s attention. While she kept silent, she quickly pulled out her phone, presumably to text Nora. Taking into account the previous announcement where Principal Hayes had mentioned working with a “special agent,” it was difficult to stifle the suspicion that reared in the back of Toni’s mind. 

“Hey, why did they call down your sister?” She leaned over to posit the question to Rachel, her insinuation evident in the tone she used. 

“Fuck if I know. As far as I’m aware, she-” 

“Students let’s all please quiet down. I know it's been a crazy couple of days but I’m sure the school is handling everything to the best of its ability.” The irritable voice of the class's teacher, a virtually senile woman who looked like she had never left the Summer of Love, cut through any conversation being had. Begrudgingly, the class subsided into an uneasy stillness. 

Not even five minutes following the second announcement of the day, the loudspeakers groaned on again, causing Mrs. Wolfe to wail in despair. 

“MARTHA BLACKBURN, PLEASE REPORT TO THE MAIN OFFICE. THANK YOU AND AGAIN, WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INTERRUPTION.” 

Rachel snapped her head to Toni, her look accusatory. “Hey, why did they call down your friend?” 

“I dunno, maybe they’re just calling down everyone who attended the memorial service.” 

“Well, that’ll certainly be a short list.” 

“Class, for the love of Modernist Literature and all things holy, please bring your eyes up and your voices down.” 

Rachel threw her head back in frustration before muttering something under her breath, checking her wrist, and pulling out a binder to take notes. Toni looked back to Mrs. Wolfe, all concern now centered on Martha Blackburn.

  
  


Toni wasted no time after English in heading to the cafeteria and towards her usual table, relieved to find Martha sitting calmly and distracted by her phone. Toni waved at her as she approached, calling out to her. 

"Hey, dude, why’d they call you down to the office earlier? Did it have something to do with Jeanette or that agent guy they mentioned?” Toni leaned forward as she sat down, focused fully on the girl before her. The ends of Martha’s hair fluttered from the force of Toni’s arrival. 

“What? No, why?” 

“I dunno, man, they talked about calling down some guy from the FBI-” 

“ISB,” Martha corrected. 

“Yeah, that- and then they called down Nora Reid and then you, like, two seconds afterward so I just thought it was for the same reason.” 

“Oh? No, I just needed to pick up some-” 

“Hey! Blackburn, Shalifoe!” 

Toni spiraled around to see Rachel Reid storming towards her. “Oh fuck, what does she want?” 

Rachel stopped in front of their table and leaned forward, planting her hands onto the surface of the table. “What did they tell you in the office?” 

“What-?” 

“What did they tell you in the office? They called you down, didn’t they? And obviously, it had to do with the announcements before.” 

“No, no, I was just-” 

“Hey! You three, what the hell was that?” Martha’s response was cut short by the vocal arrival of Leah Rilke who all but rushed toward the other three girls, a wild look in her eye. 

“What are you doing here?” Rachel spat. 

“Probably to ask the same questions you are.” Leah turned to Martha. “What did they tell you when you went down to the office? What do they know?” 

“I was called down to pick up some forms for my parents to fill out!” Martha looked at Rachel and Leah pleadingly, suddenly stressed by the interrogative gaze shared between them. Both seemed hardly satisfied by Martha’s answer. 

“Why don’t you ask your sister?” Toni stood up from her seat to counteract Rachel’s hostile stance. Rachel straightened her posture and looked at Toni. Neither blinked as they regarded the other. 

Rachel cocked her head to the side, an unspoken challenge in her voice as she spoke. “She hasn’t returned yet.” 

“Did you text her?” Leah asked. 

“Isn’t answering them.” She replied curtly. 

A loaded silence befell the group as they contemplated the implications of Rachel’s words. Toni was first to break the silence. 

“Hey, Marty, did you catch a glimpse of that agent guy they mentioned? Young or whatever?” 

“Yeah, did you see anyone in the office while you were there?” Leah added. 

Martha pondered the question for a moment before answering. “Yeah, I think I did. I think I saw him in one of the side offices speaking with Principal Hayes.” 

“What’d he looked like?” Rachel leaned forward again. 

“Uhh… I’m not sure? It was kinda hard to see. He was tall, had on a dark green windbreaker? I mostly just saw Principal Hayes’ back, to be honest. But once he saw me look at them, he must have whispered something to Hayes because he closed the door right after that.” 

“Suspicious,” Leah mumbled. 

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Did you see my sister anywhere?” 

Martha just shook her head. 

Toni looked around the cafeteria, searching to see if anyone had taken notice of the odd gathering by their table, had overheard anything they had said. It appeared no one was even sparing them a glance, eyes all focused on their friends or their food, all of them except- 

Toni’s gaze landed on Shelby, their eyes meeting as Shelby looked in their direction. Toni narrowed her eyes, half parts confused and distrustful, uncertain as to why the girl would be looking at her of all people instead of her own friends. Rationalizing it was probably because of the arrival of Rachel and Leah, Toni watched as Shelby diverted her gaze a few seconds after meeting Toni’s, returning her attention back to her friend group. Toni noticed Andrew sat next to her although a prominent distance separated the couple. She scoffed before sitting down at her own table and looked at Leah and Rachel, asking them if they had any other business keeping them there. They both left without adieu, leaving Martha and Toni alone for the rest of the period.

  
  


Senior U.S. History was taught by an old white man who never had enough stories to tell about his time at the Citadel military academy or the one time he had met President Bush (he never clarified which one). U.S. History also happened to be the one class Toni currently shared with Shelby Goodkind this semester. Hands down Toni’s least favorite class at the moment. 

Toni didn’t think the two of them had even spoken once during this class to each other despite already being three weeks in. Surprisingly though, Toni found herself most vocal in this class amidst all others, fueled mostly by an urge to combat the narrative Mr. Rossman never deviated from as he lectured. America good, everyone else bad. Exploiting the global south? Totally cool in his book. Imperialism? A natural and beneficial evolution of colonialism. The Red Scare? We should try that again sometime. 

Rossman entered the classroom from the hallway a few seconds before the late bell rang, returning from his own lunch break to dump a stack of textbooks and lesson plans for the day onto his desk. He regarded the classroom, scratching at his gruff, greying beard as he did so. Toni wrinkled her nose at the action, making sure to meet his gaze when his eyes passed over her as they traveled the room, taking in the sight of his third period students. 

Abruptly, the man clapped his hands together and turned on the projector before diving into his lesson for the day. Toni turned her gaze to look around the room, mildly stunned when she didn’t see the characteristic shock of Shelby’s blonde hair among the students. Toni couldn't remember a day when she hadn’t seen the girl in class; typically, she arrived prior to Toni, accompanied by a small entourage of friends, each one brandishing their own version of an overpriced beverage from lunch. Shelby always stood apart from them, commanded a certain gravity about her wherever she sat, one that even Toni took note of. It was a brand of optimism you either loved or hated, a kind that carried a steady inertia along with it, an unchanging momentum. One that guaranteed her friends, boyfriends, status. Now though, her seat sat cold and bare two places northwest of Toni’s own. 

Choosing to ignore the aberration, Toni stuck to writing down a few notes, many of the words deviating into mindless scribbles as Rossman droned on and on. He continued without pause until a creak of the door brought everyone’s attention to the entrance of the classroom. Toni looked up to see Shelby Goodkind standing in the door’s threshold, eyes wide and brows slanted upwards in apprehension, bag hanging disheveled and half-open on her shoulder. Rossman regarded her above his glasses, frowning. 

“Miss Goodkind, do you realize you are-” He looked up at the clock above the door. “-nearly ten minutes late to class?” 

Shelby looked up at the mounted clock before returning his gaze, her cheeks coloring. “Yes, sir, I’m sorry, sir.” 

“Do you have any note to excuse you?” 

“No, sir, I don't. Again, I apologize, I just had a personal matter to resolve, you see-” 

Rossman waved her off. “Quit it, I don’t want to hear any of it. Sit down, I expect more from someone of your... standing.” 

Toni could have sworn he sent a purposeful glance at her as he said that. 

“Of course, sir.” 

Keeping her head downcast, Shelby made her way to her seat, ignoring the questioning stares from her classmates, Toni included. Under the harsh glare of Rossman, no one, not even a member of Shelby’s usual group, ventured to voice any concern. 

Rossman resumed his lecture as if there had been no interruption. In the corner of her eye, Toni saw Shelby pull out her notebook and pen but neglect to write anything, instead staring blankly at the white sheet. The girl wiped something from her eyes, her lower lids uncharacteristically red. Sensing the gaze of someone on her, she inclined her head slightly, twisting around to face Toni for one fleeting moment. Her eyes stayed there for an instant before withdrawing back to the paper in front of her. 

Without further thought, Toni shook the interaction from her mind and listened to Rossman’s lecture as the day bore on. An unsettling ambiance permeated the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just spent 2 hours researching who investigates murders committed in a national park. also found a place in the u.s. where you could hypothetically commit a crime and not get charged. interesting.
> 
> also unfortunately we are still in the buildup phase of the story but- the pace should be picking up in the next chapters since it will be the weekend and some amateur teenage sleuthing can begin! thank you to everyone who left comments/kudos, y’all are wonderful :))


	8. A/N: Update

An update: all previous chapters have been lightly edited, however all of the core details remain the same. Most changes were for style or syntax and should have no impact on the plot but hopefully improve the flow of the text. You do not need to reread the chapters if you don't want to, this is mostly just for new readers and myself. The only significant change that you may want to check out is a slight dialogue change at the beginning of chapter 6 that gives an indication as to the location of the story. Ch. 7 was also marginally fleshed out but, again, all details remain the same and should have no detrimental effect on your understanding of the story if you choose not to reread. Apologies for any confusion or inconvenience this may temporarily cause. 

This a/n chapter will be deleted once I upload the next chapters. I have the plot outlined and the overarching storyline planned but unfortunately have been swamped with work for school and my internship. :D


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